I haven’t blogged in ages! If you’re in nursing school you’ll understand. Currently writing this, wrapped up in three blankets and coughing up a lung. I turned 30 a few months ago….Yay me!! I wanted to write a few thought about what 30 has been like in 3 short few months. HA!
The phrase “black don’t crack” used to be so amusing to me, and then I hit 30, and realized I looked like I am 19. While, I don’t mind looking young, and have absolutely no interest waking up tomorrow and looking 45. I constantly get carded when I go out and get asked out on dates by a lot of boys who are in their early 20’s_______ Which sucks! Maybe, I don’t look mature enough. I don’t know. Maybe it is a good problem to have.
In Jamaica, we have the phrase that states “man a plan, and God a wipe”, growing up, I had this grand idea that – I was going to be married at 26, have my first child at 28, and my fourth child when I was 34, (well….we all know how that ended), I have no issue not having kids right now, I nanny them enough as it is. However, social media has a way of making you feel like you are not accomplishing anything – when you see these ladies on Instagram who are 26 with 5.5 kids and have been married for a decade…. How?
Last year, I lost my “person”, she is not dead, we just grew apart, this is the person who I spoke to 24/7, was gonna be at my bedside during labor, because I don’t want any epidural, etc…etc…LOL. Funny, thing is whenever something happens, I pull out my phone to text her, but, life happens. I think my definition of friendship is different from everyone else, and it’s kinda hard to find that person that you just click with. I haven’t been doing well with friends leading up to nursing school, and once you start nursing school, there is literally no time to hang out. I jut thought that by 30, you should have a solid core group of friends who you connect with on a different level. I don’t know.
Last week, I had a cancer scare. My mom passed from cancer, so I know the chances are that it will happen to me. This sent me spiraling into depression, I had a massive panic attack and a pneumonia flare up and I shut everybody off. Whenever, I am stressed or sick or angry – I get extremely quiet. It made me realize that, I want kids, and I want to breast-feed, and I want to see them grow up beyond the age of 12 – which my mom never got to see. Still waiting on results – so lets not get ahead of ourselves here.
However, 30 has also been good to me. I recently joined a gym, with Isabel (she holds me accountable), except she goes to the gym at FIVE IN THE MORNING!!!! This may be a good thing though, I need to get up anyway. I have a travelled to two states so far with my friend Tabs, and Hawaii is 45 days away and then India. I got a nursing residency and a job for when I graduate next year. I am going to church regularly – hopefully my dad doesn’t see this. Hi dad!!
So…..maybe 30 isn’t so bad after all! A nursing school update is coming soon……and more consistent blogging.